As always, this week's reading material was exactly what I needed. I loved Gottman's counsel about gridlock and how to overcome that treacherous trap through love and understanding. I love that he tells us that we need to actually care about our spouse's hopes and dreams. Even if they are not the same or even similar to your own, that doesn't diminish the fact that they still deeply matter to your spouse. At my departing interview with my mission president when my mission came to a close, he advised me to ask anyone I was considering marrying two questions. I was reminded of one of them as I read Gottman's words and as I read the words of the others in our discussion group. He told me to ask my future husband if he was willing to make my righteous desires his righteous obsessions. He told me that this is what he did with his wife, and every decision they made, they made together and with humility and care in their hearts. He tried to help his wife attain her righteous desires in every decision they made together. I thought that this question was very interesting at the time (I still do), but it makes a little more sense to me now. I know that I need to marry someone who will care enough to try to understand my hopes and dreams and maybe even attempt to make them his hopes and dreams over time. Of course I know that he won't be able to be perfect at this, or anything else for that matter, but that's okay. In another one of my classes, we discussed relationships and how it is crucial that both partners are able to see that they need to improve in some ways and are willing to try to change. If it is not possible to see the things that you need to work on, then it will not bode well for you marriage.
As I read Goddard's words about charity, these two quotes stood out to me and I think that they relate to one another:
"Just as our feelings about God are a good measure of our faith, so our feelings about our companions are a reliable gauge to our personal worthiness" and "Charity does not flow automatically from having an extraordinary spouse. It is primarily the result of the way we choose to see each other". These two quotes help me realize that a lot of the time, the faults I find in others stem from my own inadequacies. I know that everyone is trying to do their best, but sometimes it is easy to forget that. As I try to become more like Christ and love in the way that He loves, I know that it will be hard, but so joyous when the time comes that I do have a perfect love for others. I know that marriage will be the most important factor in helping me achieve charity.
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